“This is Dyer” said the commentator at some point during the second half. He wasn’t wrong - it was dire.

Obviously I’m just a stupid computer programmer, but I don’t really understand what Sven was up to. We seemed to be trying a weird formation, that I really couldn’t make head or tail of. Funnily enough, the players didn’t seem to be making much sense of it either. Was it a 4-3-3? More like a 4-6, with the 6 being a random assortment of players milling around in the last two thirds of the pitch. Rooney on the wing? You’re ‘avin a laugh.

It was nice to see Wright - Phillips given a try, but again the formation didn’t really do him any favours, and I didn’t really see the point of giving Downing and Johnson just 30 minutes at the end, or playing Johnson out of position.

What I’d like to see in these sort of games is:

• start with the experimental side not the ‘stable’ one
• play the new players in their correct positions
• if necessary, ‘rest’ established players in order to try new ones
• if there’s a choice, ‘rest’ players who are not performing
• give the new players a long enough time on the pitch
• if you want to bring on some crowd pleasers, do it in the last 30 minutes when the opposition are knackered, and watch them please the crowd by scoring :)

Working on this logic, I would have started with Johnson up front with Rooney, and rested Owen who isn’t really performing right now. Whether or not you think Owen should be being picked for England, I don’t really see much point picking him for a friendly - it’s not like you’re going to learn something new. Fair enough maybe try him with another strike partner, but for that to work there has to actually be a formation where he has a strike partner. If things weren’t going well at half time, I’d have swapped one of the two for DeFoe.

Again following my logic, I would have started with Downing on the left, Wright-Phillips on the right, and I would have left Beckham on the bench. Beckham doesn’t have to take this as a snub to the player, but if he chooses to, and it gives him a kick up the arse, then what’s the harm in that?

Personally I think that Lampard and Gerrard are our best players, and one of them should be the captain. It’s such a rare pleasure to see them both fit in the same team that I’d have picked them both. But if we were going to try out Hargreaves again, why not start with him, and let Lampard and Gerrard play a half each?

I reckon a side lining up like that would have looked a lot more balanced. I think that having the new players on at the beginning would give them more confidence, and the team as a whole would feel like it had something to prove.

One final thought. If Downing isn’t ready, and we have to play a right-footer out of position on the left, I have the perfect candidate. It’s criminal to play Gerrard or Lampard out of position, and everyone is clamouring to see Wright-Phillips start. Who does that leave? A certain Mr Beckham. I know he’s not suddenly become a shit player, but he isn’t exactly setting the world on fire at the moment is he? Playing him on the left would give us the benefit of his hard work and tracking back, allow him to stay captain (which I don’t think he should be, but that’s another story), and it would mean that he was on the pitch for set pieces. Perfect…